Something About Myself

[AileenFlannigan]

i wanna begin my life experience with describing myself right at this
very moment...i'm like a hunchback of notre dame female version
carrying that 'literal' load on her back.. my version of that load
would have to be my emotional baggages..you see, i have all sorts of
feelings and emotions- all of them going through this rollercoaster
ride inside me...that is why sometimes as much as I'd like to find
meaning in my existence, i fail... yes, i have always been an
optimist. I live my life one day at a time, bask at its glories, party
at its goodness, smile at its challenges, and still manage to keep all
my senses in tact. But there are these moments (one of them is this)
that I really cannot comprehend what i feel...i don't think I'm sad
because i seem to have pretty good control of my life right now but
ironically, i don't think i'm happy either because there is that
something that i feel that I lack...whatever that is, i hope i'll
learn it in due time...

anyway i kinda lost track of describing myself (one of the things that
I do best)... I have a very eccentric personality. A lot of people
cannot fathom the real me. And that is one of the things that I
actually love most about myself- the ability to protect myself from
people who will not do me any good...the downside of such though is
that im misunderstood by a lot of people. I have heard it all- *****,
feeler, snob, freak- a lot of people have coined me with these words
but the hell with what they have to say...i'm too busy living my life,
too busy to defend myself...good thing that i have my best friends to
bail me out of these sticky situations...but so much for my 'so-what'
attitude, i also have that soft spot that only my close friends can
really appreciate. I love kids and I'll do anything to make a kid
happy...i also have an intense passion for learning. I love it when my
dendrites and my neurons get stimulated. i crave for thought-provoking
conversations over boys and make-ups...i remember how a my friends
thought that I was a lesbian. It was hilarious...I mean, it's the last
thing I imagine myself to be...

Now let me talk about romantic love... the aspect of human existence
that I will most definitely fail...i admit it, i love with my heart
hanging on my sleeve. I lost all my rationality and analytical skills
when cupid hits me with the bow...I'm like a prey waiting for its
predator to voraciously eat me up when I fall in love...Yes, that's
how stupid I become because of love...Love is a word that gets thrown
around too naturally without even realizing how beautiful such a
feeling is. I may have lost love's many battles but I sure became
stronger because of them... And if there is one lesson in life that I
will never forget, it is that love can come in many forms. It's never
just about that intense attraction and desire for the opposite sex but
believe me you'll find it and feel it in the most unexpected and
incomprehensible places.

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