Best Course for a First Date

[topcatny]

In my parents generation, one person will pay the whole dinner (of course, not every night).  Actually, there is a sort of formulistic play at the end of dinner when all the senior men stand up and reach into their wallets and jostle to see the check (always put discreetly near the middle of the table at Chinese restaurants), and their wives chide each other saying that their husbands never get to pay, and that this time it is our treat because we are visiting/we are the hosts/we invited you, etc...  Very humorous.  And very Chinese.

Damn I wish my family was more like this. I feel like they all avert their eyes and take great interest in the crumbs that fell on the floor everytime the check comes.

 

[sam]

Most women do not need a man to pay for dinner. Most women want a man to pay for dinner. For all the talk of womens' lib, that's the way the real world works. While paying for dinner does not guarantee that a woman will reciprocate your feelings, not paying (or at least offering to pay) pretty much guarantees, at best, a one-way trip to the Friends Zone.

Maybe, but the OP was in the context of a first date. Dinner on a first date seems like you're trying way to hard. Low-key, fun is always best. Women want to feel like they're seducing you, also.

 

[drizzt3117]

Again, I think it really depends on the girl, here in OC, dinner on the first date may be exactly the right ticket.

 

[Fabienne]

OK, back to the topic at hand.... is a small gift on the first date done?  Sometimes I do it, sometimes I don't.... like a small box of candy, chocolate, etc.  Or if I know something, I would use that to pick out a witty gift.  What is everyone's else policy on this?

I have been given a "gift" a couple of times, that I remember. One time, I thought it was too forward and disliked the feeling it gave me, another time I still thought it was too forward (it was a piece of jewelry), but the man was nice, so I took it better.  Tread carefully.

I'm not sure all these posts are helping you.  There are many, many women out there, with so varied a life experience, that I think the best thing you can do is be attentive.  And even then, it is so easy to misjudge a person.

Maybe you shouldn't ask yourself so many questions and go with your heart.

 

[Ambulance Chaser]

Alexis, we need your $.02.

 

[Fabienne]

Alexis, we need your $.02.

Probably true.

I am unlike most women I know.

 

[Fabienne]

You know, an idea might be to ask your questions on a women's forum that those you date potentially frequent.

 

[globetrotter]

You know, an idea might be to ask your questions on a women's forum that those you date potentially frequent.

sorry, that is already a little too creepy. I think you can summarize what F is saying in a way that fits common sense - if the woman is into you, she will like the gift (or lack of it), she will want to pay for her share (or be happy to have you pay), in short, if she is into you, things should go well what ever happens. if she doens't like you, if you give her a gift you are too hasty, if you don't you are cheap, if you offer to buy her dinner you are presumptious, if you don't you are cheap. if she is undecided, well, it is difficult to say how each will influence her, each woman is different. good luck with that

seriously, the best bet to me seemed to work out a system that I was comfortable and kept me true to myself, while allowing me to show off the (actual, not fake) positive aspects of myself. then mix with a lot of people of the sex you are interested in until you find one that you really like, and who likes you. if you look at this coldly, the variables here are how easy you can make it for a person to identify your attractiveness, how many people you date, and how high your standards are.

 

[HitMan009]

I have been given a "gift" a couple of times, that I remember. One time, I thought it was too forward and disliked the feeling it gave me, another time I still thought it was too forward (it was a piece of jewelry), but the man was nice, so I took it better. Â Tread carefully. I'm not sure all these posts are helping you. Â There are many, many women out there, with so varied a life experience, that I think the best thing you can do is be attentive. Â And even then, it is so easy to misjudge a person. Maybe you shouldn't ask yourself so many questions and go with your heart.

Hmm, I never thought of it like that.... Sometimes when heading to the date, it was more of a spur of the moment thing to pick up something. Like if I remembered something she said, etc. I find it awkward on occasions to arrive empty-handed. Always so many things to consider...... does it ever get easier????????

 

[globetrotter]

Always so many things to consider...... does it ever get easier???????? Â

no, and then you get married and it is a whol differnt set of problems.

 

[HitMan009]

no, and then you get married and it is a whol differnt set of problems.

Damn it, I was afraid of that answer.

 

[topcatny]

Quote:

(globetrotter @ Feb. 25 2005,06:41) no, and then you get married and it is a whol differnt set of problems.
Damn it, I was afraid of that answer.
LOL I will wholeheartedly agree with globetrotter on this. Although I would choose the problems that come with marriage over the problems with dating any day.

 

[globetrotter]

Quote:

(HitMan009 @ Feb. 25 2005,09:55)

Originally Posted by globetrotter,Feb. 25 2005,06:41

no, and then you get married and it is a whol differnt set of problems.
Damn it, I was afraid of that answer.
LOL I will wholeheartedly agree with globetrotter on this. Although I would choose the problems that come with marriage over the problems with dating any day.
agreed

 

[Fabienne]

I was always dead set against marriage, but I have to say that I have never been happier in my life. Now, raising a child and doing it conscientiously, that is a challenge.

 

[Luc-Emmanuel]

Hitman, as stated by others, dinner is too big for a first date : you may want to show that you are not THAT interested : keep some challenge, mystery, etc... for later. A couple of drinks in a trendy place, then a nice walk outside to chit-chat. Give you both time to appraise the other.

.luc