Best Course for a First Date

[HitMan009]

Call me cheap.... Call me frugal... but I am beginning to think getting a cup of coffee/tea a much better way to start a first date then to goto a restaurant. That way, if things aren't going smoothly, we can just end it at that. However if things go good, then dinner can definitely come after. Is this a wise course of action?

 

[Fabienne]

When I was single, I always preferred any avenue less obvious than that of the "date routine". American women may feel differently, though. I hear they expect a lot in general, such as having the man pay for the dinner. That's a complete cultural warp for me.

 

[topcatny]

Call me cheap.... Call me frugal...  but I am beginning to think getting a cup of coffee/tea a much better way to start a first date then to goto a restaurant.  That way, if things aren't going smoothly, we can just end it at that.  However if things go good, then dinner can definitely come after.  Is this a wise course of action?

I don't think it's cheap, but practical. Especially for a blind date. When I was single all but 1 blind date was for coffee or a drink and a few times I was very glad I didn't have to sit through an entire meal. If you don't know the person well I think it is perfectly appropriate to meet for coffee or a drink or something similar and see if you hit it off. If you do you can always segway into dinner, as you suggested. If it doesn't work out, both of you haven't wasted 2-3 hours.

If you know the person and are asking them out I think that requires a larger investment of your time, doesn't have to mean a larger investment of your money though.

 

[globetrotter]

I don't know, I found that when I was dating I had a pretty set first date thing - dinner in a pretty good place and always a bottle of wine. It was a little expensive, but it showed me in a good light, it was a little unusual, all in all I think it paied off. I didn't like the coffee thing, myself. I also felt thta I had more control of the situation at dinner.

 

[chorse123]

I think an early evening drink is always good. If it's going really well, you can always extend it to a less formal dinner.

 

[PHV]

When I was single, I always preferred any avenue less obvious than that of the "date routine".  American women may feel differently, though.  I hear they expect a lot in general, such as having the man pay for the dinner.  That's a complete cultural warp for me.

The man paying for everything is a foreign concept in Europe?

 

[Luc-Emmanuel]

For me dating was cofee/beer/bar chat. Nothing else. The whole dinner thing is already pretty obvious as to what you are looking for

. Being such a shy boy, I'd rather have a drink in a crowded and noisy place for a first "move". .luc

 

[drizzt3117]

I think it depends, sometimes I used the globetrotter approach (dinner at a nice restaurant, wine, etc...) but sometimes the coffee approach works best too. You may need to tailor your strategy around the person in question...

 

[globetrotter]

I think it depends, sometimes I used the globetrotter approach (dinner at a nice restaurant, wine, etc...) but sometimes the coffee approach works best too.  You may need to tailor your strategy around the person in question...

one thing was that I felt that if some women you take someplace nice, and some to dinner, you are making a snap judgment before you go out - so I tried to use a uniform system for all women I took out the first time. maybe not romantic, but effitient.

 

[Ambulance Chaser]

I agree with topcatny's approach. Â For a blind date, coffee is fine. Â If you know the woman, presumably you have wanted to ask her out for some time, and it pays to put your best foot forward, which generally means dinner or something more time consuming than a drink. Â Dinner can also have a signalling effect -- if she insists on splitting the check, you know she's not interested. Â

 

[topcatny]

Quote:

(drizzt3117 @ Feb. 23 2005,11:06) I think it depends, sometimes I used the globetrotter approach (dinner at a nice restaurant, wine, etc...) but sometimes the coffee approach works best too. Â You may need to tailor your strategy around the person in question...
one thing was that I felt that if some women you take someplace nice, and some to dinner, you are making a snap judgment before you go out - so I tried to use a uniform system for all women I took out the first time. maybe not romantic, but effitient.
GT, Were these women you already knew or were you meeting them for the first time? I know i had a few blind dates that I was extremely happy didn't last longer than 2 drinks. I am sure there were a couple of the women who felt the same way too.

 

[sam]

For a first date, I think a dinner is too much. You don't even know this girl; all she did for you is look nice.

I'd also disagree that a dinner would mean putting your best foot forward. It doesn't score any points. Women today don't need a man to pay for their meals.

 

[globetrotter]

Quote:

(globetrotter @ Feb. 23 2005,14:12)

Originally Posted by drizzt3117,Feb. 23 2005,11:06

I think it depends, sometimes I used the globetrotter approach (dinner at a nice restaurant, wine, etc...) but sometimes the coffee approach works best too. Â You may need to tailor your strategy around the person in question...
one thing was that I felt that if some women you take someplace nice, and some to dinner, you are making a snap judgment before you go out - so I tried to use a uniform system for all women I took out the first time. maybe not romantic, but effitient.
GT, Were these women you already knew or were you meeting them for the first time? I know i had a few blind dates that I was extremely happy didn't last longer than 2 drinks. Â I am sure there were a couple of the women who felt the same way too.

I went through a year of so where I did a hell of a lot of blind dates (one of these things where I woke up one day and decided to get married and stop screwing around). so this was the rutine I used mostly for blind or semi-blind dates (women that I had met briefly or friends of friends that I had chatted with briefly someplace). and yes, a hell of a lot of them I would have liked to finish quicker, and I am sure of hell of a lot of the women would have like to have gotten rid of me quicker. I approached everything with discipline and rational planning at that point in my life (a mind set that seems to be fading) and it seemed to me that I should aproach serious dating that way. it worked for me, but it oculd very well be not the system for everybody.

 

[drizzt3117]

For a first date, I think a dinner is too much. You don't even know this girl; all she did for you is look nice.

I'd also disagree that a dinner would mean putting your best foot forward. It doesn't score any points. Women today don't need a man to pay for their meals.

Unfortunately, not all women are so liberated.

 

[Bradford]

Wait - I pay dinner, she sleep with me? What you get for coffee?

Ernest, I mean Bradford