The State of Black Tie: Your Observations

[Van Veen]



Okay can we now get back to discussing how stupid it is to infer black tie from fancy fonts?

I attended a wedding w/ 300+ guests that had a fancy invitation in copperplate script, it was at your typical chintzy wedding mill, the web site said "the dress code is formal attire", yet no one wore black tie except the wedding party.* The bride and groom are both rednecks.... errr, I mean doctors, he an MD and she an MD/Ph.D, both from an Ivy League school (and not f'n Cornell). I guess that's a sad commentary on our culture today...?

* Of course, "black tie" is taken with a grain of salt since the ties were not black and neither were the tuxedos.

 

[TheFoo]

Not necessarily. If the invite had said "black tie" I bet you'd have a very different turnout. A big thing is that words just don't mean what they used to. Anyway, "formal" would never have meant black tie, right? It should be "semi-formal"--but then everyone would have showed up in blazers.

 

[EriQ009]



* Of course, "black tie" is taken with a grain of salt since the ties were not black and neither were the tuxedos.

What color were the ties and tuxedos?

 

[poorsod]



I attended a wedding w/ 300+ guests that had a fancy invitation in copperplate script, it was at your typical chintzy wedding mill, the web site said "the dress code is formal attire", yet no one wore black tie except the wedding party.* The bride and groom are both rednecks.... errr, I mean doctors, he an MD and she an MD/Ph.D, both from an Ivy League school (and not f'n Cornell). I guess that's a sad commentary on our culture today...?

* Of course, "black tie" is taken with a grain of salt since the ties were not black and neither were the tuxedos.

Virtually everyone I see at a black tie event is in black tie. I go to about 4-6 per year and I suspect the circuit in NYC is more by the book.

 

[EriQ009]

I suppose the bride and groom ought to be thankful that the definition of 'formal' is lost on the average person. Otherwise they'd have a guest list attired in white-tie and a wedding party in black tie. That would be... interesting.

Not necessarily. If the invite had said "black tie" I bet you'd have a very different turnout. A big thing is that words just don't mean what they used to. Anyway, "formal" would never have meant black tie, right? It should be "semi-formal"--but then everyone would have showed up in blazers.

 

[TheFoo]



Virtually everyone I see at a black tie event is in black tie. I go to about 4-6 per year and I suspect the circuit in NYC is more by the book.

Sure, but of those events, how many specifically stipulated "black tie?"

 

[sugarbutch]



Checking American Heritage, FreeDictionary.com and Wikipedia, "redneck" is described as "derogatory", "pejorative", "disparaging" and "generally considered offensive".

But you idiots keep digging in your bigoted heels.

Do you not understand that there are different degrees of offensiveness? Are you just looking to be offended? Have you taken this up with Jeff Foxworthy?

 

[aravenel]



Checking American Heritage, FreeDictionary.com and Wikipedia, "redneck" is described as "derogatory", "pejorative", "disparaging" and "generally considered offensive".

But you idiots keep digging in your bigoted heels.

There is a huge, huge difference between something being "derogatory", "pejorative", "disparaging" and "generally considered offensive" and being bigoted.

You just called several people here idiots. By any measure, that would be "derogatory", "pejorative", "disparaging" and "generally considered offensive". It certainly doesn't make you a bigot.

 

[SkinnyGoomba]

My wedding is coming up in about 5 months, a lot of the guests have actually requested to wear their black tie rigs. They do understand that black tie has nothing to do with a neck tie, one is wearing a cream dinner jacket.

My finance' told me it is not appropriate to put the attire on the invite.

 

[TheFoo]

Fellas, fellas, this "redneck" debate is all moot. Please inspect my original statement. It should be read to be identifying "rednecks" only from the perspective of the statement's target (people who make judgments of character based on adherence to traditional rules of formality), and hence does not itself validate the term's application.

 

[TheFoo]



My wedding is coming up in about 5 months, a lot of the guests have actually requested to wear their black tie rigs. They do understand that black tie has nothing to do with a neck tie, one is wearing a cream dinner jacket.

My finance' told me it is not appropriate to put the attire on the invite.

Like I said, I was invited to a banquet at the Italian Embassy in London. The invitation stipulated "black tie." I don't think anything is wrong or uncouth about that. At this point, my guess is that people are simply trying to out-snob each other by pretending they would never have to be told to wear black tie, because they would just know.

 

[msulinski]



My wedding is coming up in about 5 months, a lot of the guests have actually requested to wear their black tie rigs. They do understand that black tie has nothing to do with a neck tie, one is wearing a cream dinner jacket.

My finance' told me it is not appropriate to put the attire on the invite.

Every etiquette source I checked indicated that "black tie" or "black tie requested" on an invitation is completely fine.

The only potential etiquette breach is that you may risk offending/alienating some who may not have the means to rent or buy the appropriate attire. If you don't think this would be a problem for those on your guest list, then go for it.

Edit: don't put your registry info in the invitation or in the envelope.

 

[SkinnyGoomba]

I've always thought it was fine, since the reality of it is that today most people dont know what to wear unless they're told. Even if you know what's correct, you're still unsure if you will be completely out of place dressed appropriately and have to deal with a very angry bride.

There is no bride or groomzilla for my wedding, but my friends/family generally like to be more formal for weddings and it will be after 6.

 

[Blackhood]

+1. Telling people what you expect is the only way to have your expectations met. Since when has being on the same page as your friends been a bad thing?

 

[SkinnyGoomba]

My mother and grandmother are Italian, if you tell them it's black tie everyone will know within an hour or so.