I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

[reedobandito]



Conflicting statements.
At five months, the honeymoon phase was still within sight for you. Unless you have a Sammy-Ronnie Jersey Shore type of relationship, most relationships will seem healthy that brief into an exclusive relationship. It might not seem like it now, but given the above ultimatum, I can assure you that there would have come a point where her manipulative ways became more visible. And at your young age, asking a significant other to turn down an abroad experience for their sake can be nothing but manipulative. It's not like you two have kids or something that you'd be bailing out on.

Really interesting perspective, one I didn't consider.

 

[deadly7]



Nuts to that, Parks & Rec is the best comedy on TV right now and it's not even close.

Have you seen Modern Family? No competition with that and Parks and Rec.

 

[mr.orange]



Just split with my gf of 5 months last night, was a ****** situation because I'm leaving to London in a few days and she basically forced me to decide between her or the abroad experience. I chose the experience, now she's crushed and I feel like a real bastard.
Unsure of whether it was the right choice, our relationship was really healthy and I was incredibly happy with it...Le sigh

my condolences. hopefully this trip clears your mind and gets you back on track.

 

[reedobandito]



my condolences. hopefully this trip clears your mind and gets you back on track.

It's a long trip, 4 months

 

[indesertum]



thats why I like that my gf buys me thom browne and margiela (0).

let's trade

 

[gettoasty]

Modern Family > Park&Rec

That is ****** Reedo, IMO...but I think you made a good decision for yourself. You are both young, it's too early to be "tied down".

Kind of weird that she made you choose.

ugh, i hate those ******* labels
"honeymoon stage"

i felt like the moment a friend mentions it to said couple, it kills the relationship.
starts giving the said relationship a "timeline"... it will eventually run its course and crash and burn. Such BS!

There is actually a pretty good film on youtube by wongfu productions with the 7 stages? total bullshit but i guess its true.

 

[gettoasty]

let it blow your mind [VIDEO][/VIDEO]​

 

[reedobandito]

Yea, "honeymoon phase" seems to imply that all relationships are inevitably doomed (which, in a more cosmic sense, is prolly accurate)

 

[mr.orange]



It's a long trip, 4 months

Maybe that's what you need.

 

[mr.orange]



let it blow your mind [VIDEO][/VIDEO]​

saving this post for later use. Great vid toasty.

 

[APK]



ugh, i hate those ******* labels
"honeymoon stage"
i felt like the moment a friend mentions it to said couple, it kills the relationship.
starts giving the said relationship a "timeline"... it will eventually run its course and crash and burn. Such BS!

Hate as you'd like, but then consider the relationships that have filtered through your life, be it your own or those involving people you know. Most of those eventually end and when they do, you can usually retrospectively see that the most enjoyable portion of the relationship were those initial few months. And why not? Things are new, exciting; you're still learning things about one another; you're ********** constantly; certain traits or behavior destined to irritate the other person are still cute and endearing.

Yeah, it's silly to vocalize phases of a relationship when it's still active ("Now exiting the honeymoon phase, dear!"), but when reflecting on a defunct relationship, I see no issue with slapping a label or two on specific periods of time.

Yea, "honeymoon phase" seems to imply that all relationships are inevitably doomed (which, in a more cosmic sense, is prolly accurate)

Well, they are. It doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue relationship with worthwhile companions or work to nurture an existing relationship. It's just that most people would probably be better off taking romantic relationships for what they are: bonds with an expiration date that can yield overpowering emotions, great experiences, and a better understanding of human nature. Just because most of them end before one of you dies does not mean it was a failure or waste of time.

 

[Gibonius]

I think acknowledgement of the "honeymoon phase" is useful. Most relationships feature a phase where a day to day grind hasn't set in, where you're just crazy about the sex, about finding out new stuff about the other person, you can't wait to see them, etc, etc. Eventually it slows down. It pretty much has to. Successful relationships find a new normal, and you grow and move on. Some people think that the "magic" of the honeymoon phase is essential (and possible to keep up) and keep ending relationships once it starts fading.

It doesn't mean all relationships are doomed, it means that early relationships follow fairly predictable arcs.

 

[mr.orange]



Hate as you'd like, but then consider the relationships that have filtered through your life, be it your own or those involving people you know. Most of those eventually end and when they do, you can usually retrospectively see that the most enjoyable portion of the relationship were those initial few months. And why not? Things are new, exciting; you're still learning things about one another; you're ********** constantly; certain traits or behavior destined to irritate the other person are still cute and endearing.
Yeah, it's silly to vocalize phases of a relationship when it's still active ("Now exiting the honeymoon phase, dear!"), but when reflecting on a defunct relationship, I see no issue with slapping a label or two on specific periods of time.
Well, they are. It doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue relationship with worthwhile companions or work to nurture an existing relationship. It's just that most people would probably be better off taking romantic relationships for what they are: bonds with an expiration date that can yield overpowering emotions, great experiences, and a better understanding of human nature. Just because most of them end before one of you dies does not mean it was a failure or waste of time.

+1

 

[richmaguni]

Just split with my gf of 5 months last night, was a ****** situation because I'm leaving to London in a few days and she basically forced me to decide between her or the abroad experience. I chose the experience, now she's crushed and I feel like a real bastard.
Unsure of whether it was the right choice, our relationship was really healthy and I was incredibly happy with it...Le sigh

I'm afraid I'm headed towards a similar situation. My gf of several years has graduated college, but seems content with having a job she's overqualified for, while still living with her parents. I'm graduating this spring and looking to take a gap year or two doing something like Teach for America, or teaching abroad. At the end of this, I'll be taking a job in finance/consulting, so between the ridiculous hours or travel it definitely won't be a relationship friendly job.


Not exactly nipping this in the bud, since we've already been together for a few years, but the relationship is starting to really feel limiting beyond what I can accept. I just feel bad since like you said, the relationship is otherwise healthy.

 

[reedobandito]

Update: A day or two before I left, she recanted on what she said before and told me she understood why I made the choice I did, and that she'd be willing to reevaluate things when I return. I thought this was a mature and amicable way to end things, and it took a serious weight off my shoulders.


Then we did it.