Mental Health and Clothing

[Herders_Gulch]

BTW, this isn't the worst that happens, it's just the most style-related thing. Most stuff is not so funny.

I have a close relative who has ongoing mental health challenges (including this week), and it’s not funny at all. I appreciate you sharing this Gra*led example. The same conduct (spending thousands of dollars on clothes) can have very different implications psychologically.

 

[7_rocket]

Great topic @FlyingHorker .

I'll keep my reply somewhat short.

Being on this forum, especially the classic menswear side USED to influence my decision making on clothing. I would dare I say obsess over details. What I realized was I had no context in what I was wearing. Sticking to silly internet dress rules etc

Long story short. Clothing for me now is context. I work in a field that is very casual, can wear jeans and a t shirt. I would read replies on here that some men don't wear jeans or they think sneakers are for playing sports. It used to bother me now it makes me chuckle.

I enjoy wearing clothes as we all do on this forum. But I wear what I like now that I have a decent grasp of what my style is.

Now I just buy clothes out of necessity. I don't have an Instagram account anymore, outof sight out of mind.

I practice self control. I got other important **** to pay for rather than clothes

 

[TomTom]

Hello,

a very interested and complex topic but a very important one. I have been struggling with mental Health issues for a long time and I have found that dressing well has a massive affect on my state of mind and how I interact with the world. I was running a front line service during Covid and that meant i was working from the office every single day. So in the morning I would put on my suit or sports coat, shirt, tie dress shoes and then venture out. This has helped me distinguish a clear line between my work and my home life. Soon other members of my team started dressing this way and we always joked that we must be the best dressed Covid response team out there. I have always bought clothes that I liked and made sure I felt comfortable in them so at my workplace (university campus) most of my colleagues wear clothes just not to be naked , it feels sometimes, while I still wear suits , ties, shirts 4 days a week.

At the end of the day in my case clothes bring me calm but I know that the moment you start obsess too much over every details , the joy is gone and the unhealthy obsessions begins.

 

[dieworkwear]

I'm obviously not qualified to speak about how to deal with mental health issues and have no background or training in it. I have noticed, however, that some people come into clothing because they feel it has transformative power. Which it does, to some extent. In my time meeting people who are also interested in clothing and learning about their backstories, I sometimes hear about people who started trying to dress better because they were going through a difficult time, such as divorce.

It seems like a difficult line to ride. On the one hand, I do think that dressing well can make you feel better and give you more self-confidence. I imagine I don't have to tell that to a forum of people who enjoy clothes.

On the other hand, the fashion industry basically runs on this allure. "Wear this thing and you can be rugged." "Wear this thing and you can be elegant." Or "wear this thing and you can be an Italian playboy driving in a convertible car through pastoral hills." So on and so forth.

In reality, you buy these clothes and live the same life. Clothes have some power, but not transformative power. If you are dealing with some issue -- perhaps unhappy in marriage, job, or environment -- you will return to that environment, just in fancier clothes. Sometimes, it seems that people ought to address the fundamental reasons they are unhappy and not use clothing as a salve. (I say this as someone who should take a lot of this same advice).

Of course, there's also the issue of accessibility. Apart from the stigma, it's much easier to buy a suit or sport coat than the services of a mental health professional. And insurance doesn't always cover this stuff.

I use clothing to feel better for the day, such as dressing up and getting out of the house to eat at a nice restaurant. But these experiences don't change some of the fundamental issues in my life. I think it's useful to make this distinction between the small joy that clothing can bring, and the transformative power that someone might need to address more important underlying issues.

 

[JFWR]

I'm obviously not qualified to speak about how to deal with mental health issues and have no background or training in it. I have noticed, however, that some people come into clothing because they feel it has transformative power. Which it does, to some extent. In my time meeting people who are also interested in clothing and learning about their backstories, I sometimes hear about people who started trying to dress better because they were going through a difficult time, such as divorce.

It seems like a difficult line to ride. On the one hand, I do think that dressing well can make you feel better and give you more self-confidence. I imagine I don't have to tell that to a forum of people who enjoy clothes.

On the other hand, the fashion industry basically runs on this allure. "Wear this thing and you can be rugged." "Wear this thing and you can be elegant." Or "wear this thing and you can be an Italian playboy driving in a convertible car through pastoral hills." So on and so forth.

In reality, you buy these clothes and live the same life. Clothes have some power, but not transformative power. If you are dealing with some issue -- perhaps unhappy in marriage, job, or environment -- you will return to that environment, just in fancier clothes. Sometimes, it seems that people ought to address the fundamental reasons they are unhappy and not use clothing as a salve. (I say this as someone who should take a lot of this same advice).

Of course, there's also the issue of accessibility. Apart from the stigma, it's much easier to buy a suit or sport coat than the services of a mental health professional. And insurance doesn't always cover this stuff.

I use clothing to feel better for the day, such as dressing up and getting out of the house to eat at a nice restaurant. But these experiences don't change some of the fundamental issues in my life. I think it's useful to make this distinction between the small joy that clothing can bring, and the transformative power that someone might need to address more important underlying issues.

DWW, this might have been your most thoughtful post you've ever written. Well said, sir. Very well put.

 

[JFWR]

I think the real threat that clothing can have is the risk of inauthenticity.

Clothing can readily and easily become a way for one to pretend to be someone other than oneself. Now sometimes, the first step to becoming someone else is to change habits, like dress, to help change one's path. But very frequently there is an urge for people to present other than what they want to, often in a way that is damaging to their actual happiness.

Admittedly, I also take the position that there is only a set of masks, rather than an underlying face, that we wear. There is no "true us" distinct from what roles we play in the world around us. The "true us" is just the mask we personally like the most, but I am just as equally this other person, or that person, or this person, as I am the "true me". In that sense, I think coping with the fact that our social identity is frequently a construct of our roles and connections to them is part of understanding one's self better.

Probably a better idea to have one wardrobe for every persona, though.

 

[breakaway01]

I think the real threat that clothing can have is the risk of inauthenticity.

Clothing can readily and easily become a way for one to pretend to be someone other than oneself. Now sometimes, the first step to becoming someone else is to change habits, like dress, to help change one's path. But very frequently there is an urge for people to present other than what they want to, often in a way that is damaging to their actual happiness.

Admittedly, I also take the position that there is only a set of masks, rather than an underlying face, that we wear. There is no "true us" distinct from what roles we play in the world around us. The "true us" is just the mask we personally like the most, but I am just as equally this other person, or that person, or this person, as I am the "true me". In that sense, I think coping with the fact that our social identity is frequently a construct of our roles and connections to them is part of understanding one's self better.

Probably a better idea to have one wardrobe for every persona, though.

I don’t view choosing to wear one outfit versus another as a choice between an authentic self and an inauthentic (or less authentic) self. To me my authenticity derives from being consistent with my values and my personality. That being said, I wear CM most in my professional life, so as you say that is one of my roles/faces that I present to one part of my world. As a physician I like to wear CM in my clinical roles. If I am being honest with myself, I think it is partly to show respect to my patients but also partly to define a professional and not personal relationship between me and my patients or students. Sometimes I have to have difficult discussions, and in that context I think it is important to present myself as a professional.

 

[JFWR]

I don’t view choosing to wear one outfit versus another as a choice between an authentic self and an inauthentic (or less authentic) self. To me my authenticity derives from being consistent with my values and my personality. That being said, I wear CM most in my professional life, so as you say that is one of my roles/faces that I present to one part of my world. As a physician I like to wear CM in my clinical roles. If I am being honest with myself, I think it is partly to show respect to my patients but also partly to define a professional and not personal relationship between me and my patients or students. Sometimes I have to have difficult discussions, and in that context I think it is important to present myself as a professional.

I agree. I am not in any sense saying all clothing is inauthentic, I am saying that sometimes people do use clothing in ways that is inauthentic.

Lots of people are pushed into various styles for no other reason than they feel obliged and therefore feel inauthentic in that wear.

 

[FlyingMonkey]

Of course, there's also the issue of accessibility. Apart from the stigma, it's much easier to buy a suit or sport coat than the services of a mental health professional. And insurance doesn't always cover this stuff.

Most of your post is fine and skates over things lightly and agreeably enough, but as you said, you don't know much about this area and this is a bit too glib.

1. the relative expense of clothing vs. mental health care is a problem not a solution; and

2. actually, a course of counselling with a certified professional for say, six sessions, should cost you between $600 and $900 (in Canada).

If you really are in distress, I know which one is actually going to help.

 

[FlyingHorker]

I practice self control. I got other important **** to pay for rather than clothes.

m8, you have any tips on this one here?

I do the binge/purge/floodgate cycle that others have mentioned here.

Most of your post is fine and skates over things lightly and agreeably enough, but as you said, you don't know much about this area and this is a bit too glib.

1. the relative expense of clothing vs. mental health care is a problem not a solution; and

2. actually, a course of counselling with a certified professional for say, six sessions, should cost you between $600 and $900 (in Canada).

If you really are in distress, I know which one is actually going to help.

Framing my clothing purchases vs. paying out of pocket for counselling sessions did help me take the first step towards getting help some years ago.

I always told myself "I don't have insurance, I can't afford this."

Well that was a complete lie to myself. If I can afford buying shoes, coats, sports coats etc, then I can spend $150 on a counselling session.

This is from the Canadian perspective as well, not sure how other countries work.

 

[7_rocket]

m8, you have any tips on this one here?

I do the binge/purge/floodgate cycle that others have mentioned here.

Framing my clothing purchases vs. paying out of pocket for counselling sessions did help me take the first step towards getting help some years ago.

I always told myself "I don't have insurance, I can't afford this."

Well that was a complete lie to myself. If I can afford buying shoes, coats, sports coats etc, then I can spend $150 on a counselling session.

This is from the Canadian perspective as well, not sure how other countries work.

Eh. Not sure how I can answer your question, but I'll try.

Clothing has been a Journey for me. A learning lesson. I've learned along the way to only buy things out of necessity. Do I want or need something?

I would spend hours and hours looking at clothing. Why? Boredom? Makes me happy. Probably both maybe?

Once I stopped coming on this forum daily and deleted my IG account it was easy. Seriously, don't log on to clothing related platforms.

I only will buy out of necessity. Don't need 20 pairs of boots. Why? I have two pairs of boots and I only wear one pair maybe once every 2 weeks. It's a waste for me personally. Don't be buying **** you don't really need. If I'm tempted to buy something. I let a couple days go by and that normally ends my temptation.

Edit - I don't wear my boots often because I WFH. I'm in sweatpants or joggers when the weather isn't too cold.

 

[schraiber]

Eh. Not sure how I can answer your question, but I'll try.

Clothing has been a Journey for me. A learning lesson. I've learned along the way to only buy things out of necessity. Do I want or need something?

I would spend hours and hours looking at clothing. Why? Boredom? Makes me happy. Probably both maybe?

Once I stopped coming on this forum daily and deleted my IG account it was easy. Seriously, don't log on to clothing related platforms.

I only will buy out of necessity. Don't need 20 pairs of boots. Why? I have two pairs of boots and I only wear one pair maybe once every 2 weeks. It's a waste for me personally. Don't be buying **** you don't really need. If I'm tempted to buy something. I let a couple days go by and that normally ends my temptation.

Edit - I don't wear my boots often because I WFH. I'm in sweatpants or joggers when the weather isn't too cold.

I feel like one weird thing for me is that WFH has honestly made me enjoy dressing more. It feels like something to be excited for at the start of the day, and I always go for a walk at the end of the day and I'm always excited to get to actually put on some shoes and maybe a coat if necessary. Especially in the heart of covid prior to vaccines when I really was very isolated, getting dressed was one of the few things that brought some excitement to my days.

 

[Spinster Jones]

m8, you have any tips on this one here?
I do the binge/purge/floodgate cycle that others have mentioned here.

Counselling is always a good starting point, but in my experience they usually advice you to seek answers elsewhere as well.
Learning to understand the patterns is usually what I try to do first.

As others have pointed out, buying new is often a way of buying into a new ideal of what one should be. That is of course fine, but the person should come before the item(s). If one feels the urge to renew oneself all the time, it might be more helpful to focus on other areas of ones life.

But I would honestly advice pretty much everyone to take up gardening as a past-time, if one has the option to do so. Read The Well-Gardened Mind for a good introduction into the psychology of it. One of the lessons it teaches you is cherishing things when they are there and letting things pass when they no longer are. A good follow-up to that would also be Aurelius' Meditations. He talks about the acceptance of passing. I think both could be helpful for most people.

 

[FlyingHorker]

Eh. Not sure how I can answer your question, but I'll try.

Clothing has been a Journey for me. A learning lesson. I've learned along the way to only buy things out of necessity. Do I want or need something?

I would spend hours and hours looking at clothing. Why? Boredom? Makes me happy. Probably both maybe?

Once I stopped coming on this forum daily and deleted my IG account it was easy. Seriously, don't log on to clothing related platforms.

I only will buy out of necessity. Don't need 20 pairs of boots. Why? I have two pairs of boots and I only wear one pair maybe once every 2 weeks. It's a waste for me personally. Don't be buying **** you don't really need. If I'm tempted to buy something. I let a couple days go by and that normally ends my temptation.

Edit - I don't wear my boots often because I WFH. I'm in sweatpants or joggers when the weather isn't too cold.

Sounds like I'm on the right track man, that's why keeping the "want/need" list keeps me grounded. Thanks for posting this.

Not coming on the forum daily and spending hours looking at clothing is the hard one for me.

Counselling is always a good starting point, but in my experience they usually advice you to seek answers elsewhere as well.
Learning to understand the patterns is usually what I try to do first.

As others have pointed out, buying new is often a way of buying into a new ideal of what one should be. That is of course fine, but the person should come before the item(s). If one feels the urge to renew oneself all the time, it might be more helpful to focus on other areas of ones life.

But I would honestly advice pretty much everyone to take up gardening as a past-time, if one has the option to do so. Read The Well-Gardened Mind for a good introduction into the psychology of it. One of the lessons it teaches you is cherishing things when they are there and letting things pass when they no longer are. A good follow-up to that would also be Aurelius' Meditations. He talks about the acceptance of passing. I think both could be helpful for most people.

I've sort of started on that "pattern" recognition, but haven't gone beyond that. I generally track my anxiety in my journal, and I notice my OCD rituals and anxiety start to ramp up right after I buy a lot of clothing, or preceding the point where I buy a lot of clothing. Guilt ties into it as well.

Meditation helps me create a separation from those thoughts and emotions. I've been slipping on that lately, time to hop back on.

I use this website below this paragraph. It has a free 40 day guided meditation course, I'm on day 32. My favourite aspect is that it has a progression bar and scheme that reminds me of gaming. As someone who is easily addicted to anything, this let me use that dopamine seeking gratification in a positive long term way.

Mindfulness Daily with Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield

Mindfulness Daily brings you a 40-day online training in mindfulness meditation with Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield. Each daily 10–15 minute lesson includes a short talk and guided meditation designed to assist in establishing a meditation practice.

courses.tarabrach.com

Time to rebook with my psychologist as well I think.

 

[Andy57]

"My yoga teacher once told me that when he was younger his mom was very very conscious of the things she wore and how everything had their time and place. Even the china set. She would never bring them out unless it was for a very special dinner. However, when he was about 14 his mom got cancer and was very close to passing away. She recovered but he distinctly remember the day that she had embraced the idea of [SCREW IT]. She put on her most beautiful dress and busted out the china and they ate meatloaf on a regular tuesday. At that point he realized that she started to live. Like really live. So he always wears designer whatever the **** he wants whenever the **** he wants. Since he told me that story I've sort of adopted that. I used to try to dress like how everyone else would be. Like at my neices bday. Shorts and a nice top. This year I plan on wearing a beautiful dress because [SCREW IT]. I wanna do it. I will be the best looking mother ****** at that damn pool party anyone has ever seen! "

This is exactly why I put on a dinner jacket every chance I get. Life is too damn short. It's also why, at the start of the pandemic we started drinking the good wine. That rainy day we'd been saving it for? Look outside, it's pouring.