I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

[bosatlbwi]

idk I black out absurdly easy these days so I don't really know. but I sent her a bunch of random letters in the process of trying to ask where she was...lol.

 

[impolyt_one]

I'm surprisingly capable with technologies when drunk, check out my post count on here and sufu.

 

[Nil]

^^^^^^^^^

Same. Though I occasionally get some fat thumbs and send a text to the wrong person late at night. It worked beautifully one time but has led to a host of problems otherwise. Ah well.

 

[HgaleK]

Touch screens have saved ****** on several occasions. When I get really fucked up and want to do something stupid, I just don't have the precision to type on them.

 

[jenlain]



Cheers gents, your feedback and advice is good to hear. I know what I have to do, I just need to man up and do it. I am not the youngest guy (34) and don't live somewhere with a plethora of the kind of eligible women I will be looking for so I definitely have that missed the boat/last chance feeling that really feels ****** on top of everything else....

I know the feeling and was in the same boat recently. I'm also 34 and recently ended a long-term relationship. I was glad to end it and don't miss her, but I relate with the feeling of having missed the boat. Take a deep breath. There is a great article by David Wygant about "wife hunting". I'm sure you can find it. Don't get a sense of urgency and marry the first thing you find. Work on yourself first. Give yourself 4-6 months to really get past the ex, start some new hobbies, etc.

If you have not already done so, burn everything that reminds you of her, including pictures, gifts, bedding, etc.. Delete her contact info from your phone/computer. Paint your house. Workout like crazy. Challenge yourself to achieve something you never thought you could do. Then do it. Alone.

 

[dune]



Serious question: If you're sober enough to send out a text, and then walk over to the bar, is it really drunk texting? I have never once sent out a drunk text because if I am drunk, I can barely sit up/stand up let alone whip out my phone and text out a semi-coherent sentence. I think whenever someone says they're sending out a drunk text or whatever is aware of exactly what they are doing and just using the whole drunk thing as an excuse when **** inevitably goes bad.

A while ago I was sitting behind a girl who was trying to send to send a text while drunk. She spent a minute typing mmmmmmm and then deleting half of it, before giving up on that.

That's what I call drunk texting.

 

[poena]



I hadn't talked to my ex for 2 months, then I get "I'm thinking about you text" out of the blue from her while she is in Vegas. I foolishly text back a couple days later and ask how her trip was and she tells me she thought about me the whole time and it was weird to be there without me. She further tells me that she thinks of me everyday which makes me hopeful so I proceed initiate contact via text until she tells me she had a "weak moment" and no interest in getting back together. 2 months of healing down the drain and now I feel like I am back to square one. I should have known better, wtf...

man, i feel you. i'm in the same boat. it's been going on for a while for me as well.

 

[impolyt_one]

I just got a fb msg from my ex, one that really tore me up badly after the breakup many years ago. We had been talking a few years ago but now I'm obviously in a relationship. Really should've not talked to her again in the first place, because now I have to tell her sometime soon that we just can't talk anymore. Gonna be living across town from her for the rest of my life, whereas up until now we've been in different countries for the past 7 years since we broke up. It sucks, a lot. I was very in love with her, but that is long ago and too far gone to even try to get back.

 

[APK]

Bah, I genuinely want to be friends with my ex, but she asked me point blank today if I could accept her dating other guys and the fact that we won't get back together. It's been a while since we split and I'm more resided to a reunion not being in the works. And I've got no legitimate reason to object to her dating (hell, she should be). Yet I still couldn't honestly answer "yes" to either question. I know that once I'm able to accept a 100 percent platonic friendship with her, who she dates or hooks up with won't be an issue outside of wanting them to be OK dudes. We haven't talked much lately, but we agreed today that communication right now is a bad idea. Still sucks, because she's absolutely worth building a friendship with. With past girlfriends, I got to the point where I had no interest in maintaining even a facade of friendship, let alone care about who they were dating. Hasn't been so easy with this one.

 

[gettoasty]

Yo man, let me know how it turns out b/c I am in the exact same situation. After weeks (month?) of ignoring ex after she said she needed a break, she finally emailed me asking if I would like to take the puppy for the month like we agreed, every other month we would take turn caring for the pup. The email was literally once sentence long saying how I just disappeared cold and included the word "Anyways", which gives me the feeling like she doesn't care?? huh, reading into too much??

The worst part of me always thinks that this girl probably needs someone to babysit while she goes do her thing. The other part of me believes she still wants to maintain our friendship or w/e.

I have listen to all the wisdom you all had to offer also and it seems to be paying off, at least I feel so.

Not sure whether to reply back to email or continue to ignore. Full disclosure, I am actually mailing her a "care package" this Friday, sending back some of her belongings, money, and toys as it will be the pup's birthday very soon.

WTH am i doing with my life :ugh: I honestly feel like this some Hollywood screen written crap where I experienced some divorce, we share a child and I'm trying to be the good father while she is exploring her opportunities. Yeah and I keep telling myself that she's a nice girl

*dead*

 

[hendrix]



The worst part of me always thinks that this girl probably needs someone to babysit while she goes do her thing. The other part of me believes she still wants to maintain our friendship or w/e.

She does, but in a completely selfish way. I've been on the receiving, and i'm ashamed to say giving end of these types of things.

She misses you but not enough to actually want to get back together or really have anything to do with you, she just wants to satisfy her insecurities/ego/need to be wanted.

I know it sounds cynical, and she certainly isn't thinking like that, but it's the truth.

 

[lasbar]



She does, but in a completely selfish way. I've been on the receiving, and i'm ashamed to say giving end of these types of things.

She misses you but not enough to actually want to get back together or really have anything to do with you, she just wants to satisfy her insecurities/ego/need to be wanted.

I know it sounds cynical, and she certainly isn't thinking like that, but it's the truth.

She feels safe in his company and is keeping him on a mental back burner status...

If she is coming back with you , it will be for selfish reasons..

Friendship with an ex can work when both parties have decided to let it go...

 

[hendrix]



Still sucks, because she's absolutely worth building a friendship with.

Do you think this way when you meet a cool guy who's tastes are similar to yours?

"Man, we should really develop our friendship! I know, maybe i'll get him tickets to the game on the weekend!"

Let it go man. When you bump into each other in a few years you'll be friends. Otherwise oh well, you shouldnt have to work on friendships anyway.

 

[gettoasty]

Got it

I think am a bit depressed being alone again, not necessarily b/c of not being with HER.

I am going to have to say if she ever brought up getting back together, i would in general agree to it. :foo: i have my own selfish reasons too right????


GL to you APK! to the best for both of us

 

[APK]



Yo man, let me know how it turns out b/c I am in the exact same situation. After weeks (month?) of ignoring ex after she said she needed a break

These things take a while. Certainly longer than a month of no communication, even though I'm sure that month felt like an eternity.

Friendship with an ex can work when both parties have decided to let it go...

Absolutely this. Her and I both know it. She's totally there. I feel like I'm almost there most of the time. "Almost" and "most of the time" aren't good enough for something like this, though.

Do you think this way when you meet a cool guy who's tastes are similar to yours?

"Man, we should really develop our friendship! I know, maybe i'll get him tickets to the game on the weekend!"

Let it go man. When you bump into each other in a few years you'll be friends. Otherwise oh well, you shouldnt have to work on friendships anyway.

A friendship with an ex is different than a friendship with anyone else. If the relationship was serious enough, most people can't transition over to being friends right away. They're two different beasts. That is why I view it as "building." If we're to be platonic friends, then the foundation for that can't really be our history as a couple.

That is why we barely spoke for several months after we broke up and no longer had to see each other (work obligations in the months immediately after the breakup prevented that all-too-important clean break). It's also why I went five or six months on top of that without any communication with her at all. We started talking again regularly after that and for a while, I viewed her as strictly as a friend. I still cared about her, but I carried on with my own business and she with hers. The problem is that at some point, dormant feelings resurfaced on my end. And so, communication again is off the table.

I'm fortunate in the sense that she hasn't played games about this. I see a lot of guys in here talking about their exes sending mixed signals after the breakup. This girl is more about me focusing on my passions in life than dwelling on anything that was or could be with her.