Dating a "high end" girl?

[itsstillmatt]

Wwjbd?

 

[mcqueen]

You have always insisted on paying. Does that mean that she has offered to pay? Did she offer to pay on a few occasions, you insisted on paying, now she just expects you to pay?

These answers might help to determine the outcome of your situation,

 

[munchausen]

Originally Posted by mordecai

I'm messing with you. Underwear is actually my favorite song on that album.

It's a near perfect album. "Mis-Shapes" gets my vote personally.

 

[Mr.P]

My ex had what her father called "Princess modes." In one such episode, she said that if I ever want to marry her, I'd have to get her the most expensive Tiffany ring. I dumped her there and then.

 

[TC (Houston)]

IMHO, you shouldn't have to have any sort of discussion with a woman you are dating about what you can and cannot afford to do. That's just emasculating. If she's planning all these fancy dates and is clueless about your means given that you are a student, no conversation about what you can afford is going to have great results. Try gracefully skipping out on some of these fancier affairs (encouraging her to attend without you), and then YOU take the reigns on date planning going forward. If she doesn't figure out what's going on after that pattern of events then she's not ever going to get it, whether you tell her explicitly or not. So you will need to date some poorer women for the time being and do what virtually every other doctor/lawyer/banker in the history of the world has done: trade up when you banks the kwan.

 

[suited]

If the girl likes you and is worth spending money on, I'm sure she will use a little common sense and understand that you, at this point in your life, can't afford to eat and drink at the most expensive lounges. If not, the relationship isn't going to work, for lots of reasons.

 

[jimmyfingers]

Personally, it sounds like you blew it. I assume you have gone on a ton of dates judging from your posts and still have not it. You sound like a chump and pushover

How can you even relax eating at an expensive restaurant and worrying about your credit card damage?

If you tell her now about not having the money, then she will think you were trying to be someone you weren't.

An alpha male would have handled it from day 1. Now you have dug yourself into a deep hole. She might even be using you.

 

[itsstillmatt]

Originally Posted by TC (Houston)

IMHO, you shouldn't have to have any sort of discussion with a woman you are dating about what you can and cannot afford to do. That's just emasculating. If she's planning all these fancy dates and is clueless about your means given that you are a student, no conversation about what you can afford is going to have great results. Try gracefully skipping out on some of these fancier affairs (encouraging her to attend without you), and then YOU take the reigns on date planning going forward. If she doesn't figure out what's going on after that pattern of events then she's not ever going to get it, whether you tell her explicitly or not. So you will need to date some poorer women for the time being and do what virtually every other doctor/lawyer/banker in the history of the world has done: trade up when you banks the kwan.
Are you ******* kidding me? Emasculating? Trade up? You are seriously gross.

 

[kwilkinson]

Originally Posted by iammatt

Are you ******* kidding me? Emasculating? Trade up? You are seriously gross.

+1.

 

[munchausen]

Originally Posted by TC (Houston)

IMHO, you shouldn't have to have any sort of discussion with a woman you are dating about what you can and cannot afford to do. That's just emasculating. If she's planning all these fancy dates and is clueless about your means given that you are a student, no conversation about what you can afford is going to have great results. Try gracefully skipping out on some of these fancier affairs (encouraging her to attend without you), and then YOU take the reigns on date planning going forward. If she doesn't figure out what's going on after that pattern of events then she's not ever going to get it, whether you tell her explicitly or not. So you will need to date some poorer women for the time being and do what virtually every other doctor/lawyer/banker in the history of the world has done: trade up when you banks the kwan.
Seriously, this is the way alpha bros conduct relationships? Sounds insanely complicated. Seems like you could save a lot of headache by having adult conversations about simple matters like this.

 

[bslo]

Originally Posted by iammatt

Are you ******* kidding me? Emasculating? Trade up? You are seriously gross.

I assume he was being facetious, but maybe not. The idea that most of these men are "trading up" when they get trophy wives is laughable, though. On the other hand, most of the time they get exactly what they deserve.

In any case, TC makes an interesting point. I don't know how long the OP has been dating the woman in question, but is it really likely that she has no basis for understanding his financial situation? I agree with others that an explicit coversation is necessary, but don't be surprised if the conversation does not change the woman's attitude about money. In fact, I'd be surprised if it did.

 

[bslo]

Originally Posted by iammatt

Are you ******* kidding me? Emasculating? Trade up? You are seriously gross.

One other thought: If you find that not being rich is emasculating, you really don't have a very strong sense of self-worth.

 

[itsstillmatt]

Originally Posted by bslo

One other thought: If you find that not being rich is emasculating, you really don't have a very strong sense of self-worth.
There is so much wrong with that post that I don't know where to start. I'll just posit that even if you are quite rich, there are still things you feel that you cannot afford, so you are always in the position of having to decide whether to exist in a relationship in which you value open communication, or one in which you believe that alpha-ness is shrinking away from being able to take a realistic appraisal of a situation and sharing it with your partner. Alpha as ****, I guess. But yeah, I agree with your point, and that trophy wives are generally a big trade down.

 

[bslo]

Originally Posted by iammatt

There is so much wrong with that post that I don't know where to start. I'll just posit that even if you are quite rich, there are still things you feel that you cannot afford, so you are always in the position of having to decide whether to exist in a relationship in which you value open communication, or one in which you believe that alpha-ness is shrinking away from being able to take a realistic appraisal of a situation and sharing it with your partner. Alpha as ****, I guess.

But yeah, I agree with your point, and that trophy wives are generally a big trade down.

Well stated. I guess the "alpha" option is to either spend beyond your means or "convince" the woman that she does not want what she thinks she wants. A real alpha would always be capable of accomplishing the later. Of course, if you're alpha as phuck, you don't recognize such fictions as a woman's desires.

 

[TC (Houston)]

Originally Posted by iammatt

There is so much wrong with that post that I don't know where to start. I'll just posit that even if you are quite rich, there are still things you feel that you cannot afford, so you are always in the position of having to decide whether to exist in a relationship in which you value open communication, or one in which you believe that alpha-ness is shrinking away from being able to take a realistic appraisal of a situation and sharing it with your partner. Alpha as ****, I guess.

But yeah, I agree with your point, and that trophy wives are generally a big trade down.

I guess this is the subforum where all the jokesters on SF get serious? LOL Guys, I was kdding around, especially about the trading up. What I was serious about is that I don't think he should have to have a converstaion about these matters with some woman he's dating. This isn't his "partner", and she' knows he's in grad school, right?! He's supposed to be eating pizza, mexican food, and hunting around for the dollar beers. Even if he had the money it's debatable whether frequent fine dining and bottle service is appropriate for someone in his position. She sounds totally clueless, not worthy of a "heart to heart" on this type of very personal matter. Frankly, the fact that she doesn't seem the least bit sensitive to his issue without his having to say something is probably reason enough to move on.