Roommate to counter "loneliness"

[Fuuma]

Originally Posted by thekunk07

post college, i believe two male roommates are called homosexuals.

Or New Yorkers...

 

[dmash]

Originally Posted by Matt

living with friends is a great way to lose friends tho....

This x1000. Certain things just start to bug you and fights are started between good friends that otherwise wouldn't have occurred.

 

[RSS]

Originally Posted by dmash1080

This x1000. Certain things just start to bug you and fights are started between good friends that otherwise wouldn't have occurred.
If you are really friends ... after living apart ... you'll forgive one another. When I graduated from college ... I never wanted to see my roommate again. Today ... he's my best friend.

 

[dmash]

Originally Posted by RSS

If you are really friends ... after living apart ... you'll forgive one another. When I graduated from college ... I never wanted to see my roommate again. Today ... he's my best friend.
Yeah I definitely agree. Once we moved out, we started being best friends again. So weird, and nobody believes living together pulls friends apart until you experience it firsthand.

 

[Matt]

well you end up in A Business Relationship with your friends. This is almost never a good idea. Not just in roommates, but in life generally...doing business with your friends seldom ends well.

In the living with friends scenario - and since everyone's friends are basically useless losers (and that's why you love em) suddenly the fact that he is unemployed and sponging off his parents stops being funny when you are covering his half of the phone bill for the third month in a row (while he always seems to have money for drinking)...

And...because theyre your friends, you kinda roll with it...don't wanna go breaking friendships over a few bucks/few late nights/few empty pizza boxes on the table for a week/whatever, so you shrug it off. Then your head explodes.

"But wait," I hear you cry. "None of this would be an issue if you were just open with them throughout, and told them about whatever issues arise at the time." This is not entirely true...because then, to them...you "turned into a nagging ***** from the first day we started living together man, you never used to be like this, dude, seriously, it's just a ******* pizza box."

Youre kinda better off living with people you know, get along OK with, but don't feel like there are long term relationship complications for yelling at them when they get behind in their bills/leave crap laying around or whatever.

 

[RSS]

Matt ... my friends are different from yours.

That said ... I do NOT work with friends ... that part is good advice. Although I have become friends with former business partners.

 

[Matt]

oh - and since there is pretty much a whole thread on my social life, it kind of goes without saying - I have great friends...awesome friends, and I love them to bits. I am actually pretty damn easy to get along with. But as much as I love those guys, I damn sure wouldn't want to live with them!

As per above, I kind of consider the 'has a roommate' part of my life over with now. It was briefly revisited for a while last year (kinda) when I had The Guard Dog move in for a few months - which was kind of OK - she was great to have around. In that case though, I had construction beside my house, and dozens of workers living on site peering over my fence. With my travel schedule, that was not ideal - great way to be burgled.

As such, I wanted someone to stay in my house with me, rent free, just needed someone in the house. I pondered letting one of my friends come and crash (and one of my really good friends needed a place to stay at the time) but I opted instead for a chick I barely knew who was friends with my ex. We ended up super close for a while there, but it was very much a relationship where if she went out and left the aircon on all day (for example)...she Was Told. In the end, she was probably the best roommate I ever had (she says the same about me too) but it was because there was no guilt in the relationship when it comes to saying what's what, and no one walking away licking wounds over it when things go wrong.

Anyhow, my advice remains, don't get into business relationships with your friends (and on this part we agree). Roommates are business relationships primarily - bills to pay and responsibilities and all of that - and I have had better experiences when living with people who are not my friends, but are - to keep the business metaphor rolling - liked and respected colleagues.

 

[unjung]

I am sick of having roommates, except my hetero life partner, who later moved away, which was sad. My goal is to never have to go back to roommates within one year.

 

[RSS]

Originally Posted by Matt

and since everyone's friends are basically useless losers (and that's why you love em)...
When I said my friends are different ... it was the above comment from which I hoped to distance my friends.

I've never thought of my friends as useless losers ... because none of them are.

 

[Matt]

oh ya? not even when you were in college like the OP?

 

[CDFS]

Originally Posted by Milpool

In US universities, usually people are paired with a roommate to live in a one room "dorm". It can be hell or it can be awesome.

Yes, I've seen the eighties movies. I was talking more about the sharing an appartment-roommates. Those can be nice enough that although rooming is a choice made mostly out of necessity it is still worthwhile in other departments (than money).

 

[Joffrey]

Originally Posted by CDFS

Wait a minute, are people talking about actual 'sleep in the same room, roommates'?

That would suck something best left out of thread titles.

That was freshman year so it was a dorm. Every other situation were "housemates".

 

[thekunk07]

got a great deal on an apt near san diego years ago. but, the catch was men and women weren't allowed to live together. i played gay. was a cute brunette and a dumb blonde. after much consternation at rthe regal beagle, we decided to give it a go. the landlord was something else, always making quips while his wife always talked about his plumbing. was a crazy time in my life.

 

[RSS]

Originally Posted by Matt

oh ya? not even when you were in college like the OP?
No, not really. This isn't to say I didn't know a few loosers ... but I can't say they were friends.

 

[The Wayfarer]

Bringing in a roommate just to serve as a surrogate strikes me as somewhat of a bad idea and perhaps telling of a broader issue you may need to address with yourself. Do you find that you're codependent? Momentarily filling that void is just going to continue to bolster that problem, and not necessarily solve anything.

I've lived alone. I've lived with roommates. And then lived together with a girlfriend for three years.

Living alone was just dandy, and I quite enjoyed the privacy. But money became an issue so I resorted to the roommate thing for a minute.

Moved in with two of my closest friends and, after only three months, we all hated each other. I only talk to one of them now, and that's just very seldom. There's just something about being in that close of proximity with people and being financially dependent on one another that makes even the smallest things absolutely insufferable and grating. Like dude said earlier, "it's only a pizza box!"

Shortly after that, I got involved in a very serious relationship and we lived together for three years. That grew to become the norm for me and I got very used to it. After we split, I certainly went through a fit of loneliness. It was strange being alone for the first time in three and a half years. I go out, and I'm very social, but coming home to an empty apartment with no one to welcome me took a bit of getting used to again. It's been six months and I'm just now getting back in the upswing of being single and living alone. It's now the norm again and I actually quite like it. I think it's a matter of being comfortable and confident in oneself, and not needing constant human interaction. The privacy and freedom is great, and, of course, I'll bring over lady friends a couple of times a week to stay the night. It doesn't have to be so lonely in the single man's world.