Hilarious Amazon Customer Reviews

[JBZ]

^^^Wait. So Apocalypse Now wasn't pretentious? If memory serves, there was also at least as much time between "action scenes" in AN as there was in The Godfather (and I challenge anyone to truly explain the ending of AN to me).

 

[Manny Calavera]

Sean "Dragon Ninja" disapproves of Seven Samurai:

\t

1 star Movies don't get better with age., August 11, 2004
By \tSean "Dragon Ninja"

I finally bought this movie after reading so many good reviews, but i was again mislead. After the dissapointment called Ran, i thought Kurosawa was a pretty bad director that being one of his newer movies. But after reading so many good things about this movie i couldn't resist. I sat through this 3 and a half hour long movie this morning, and when it was over i was still waiting for the so called breathtaking battle in the rain. Anyone looking for good samurai action DO NOT BUY THIS. All of the action is terribly choreographed, all of the action sequences involve people running around like crazy people, and then maybe one or 2 bandits get stabbed or shot with a bow or gun. The last battle was the biggest dissapointment, it was supposed to be one of the best sequences ever captured on tape, what? It sucks, maybe 50 years ago it was considered an exciting action scene, but by todays standards it doesnt even compare to an animated disney movie in terms of action, really its that bad. The rest of the movie is taken over by man butts and bad acting, the performances are comical, not funny, ridiculously stupid. There is no drama at all, when one of the samurai dies I found myself relieved that i wouldn't see that terrible actor again, none of them could even fight or move the sword, not once do you hear the clang of a sword or see any blood, thats right whoever considers this movie violent probably cant handle bambi. To list all this films flaws i would need more paitence but i will tell you that the action sucks, there is no heart wrenching drama, no humor, not a single good performance, no real samurai fighting like i said you never see someone block a sword or do any kind of move not involving just sticking there arm out and hoping they hit something, the rescue of the kinapped child is 2 seconds long and all the guy does is run in and get the kid, the theft of an enemy gun is short and simple, thats right they run out and grab it you guessed it, the story is even poorly done, how could anybody mess up a 1 line story, well Kurosawa does, i would not recommend any of his movies he is a terrible director, anybody looking for entertainment can go anywhere else because it has got to be better then this piece of crapola. In short the last samurai is much better way truer to the way of the smaurai, if you dont think so read bushido, this movie couldn't be more wrong to the way of the samurai, this movie makes them out to be savages and only like to kill and **** women, totally wrong, this movie may have been good a long time ago but anybody younger then 50 will not like this movie, -100000000 out of a 10, i gave it the Negative rating for not contributing anything, no entertainment, esspecially no action because action doesnt get more pathetic then this. The Last Samurai would kick all Seven of these samurai's asses, but they all died of old age.

I imagine this guy sits in his parents' basement smashing Spider-Man action figures together.

 

[Bandwagonesque]

I love people who don't understand what the purpose of reviews are. For example, Simpsons Season 1. Rate the seller, not the DVDs dumbass.

* The Simpsons - Complete 1st season, January 18, 2007
By \tLaura M. Alvarado (las cruces, NM) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
Received the item 3 weeks late. Haven't opened box, will return it to seller. Wanted it for Christmas and didn't receive it till 2nd week of January.

Exclamation marks mean I'm really serious and passionate about reviews!!!

WHAT WAS THIS!!!!!, January 11, 2004
By \tLauren B. Floss "flossfg2" (Buffalo NY) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
What is this!?!?! Homer Simpson acts like Yoge Bear!!!! The animation has to be the worst animation I have ever seen!!!!! Come on!!!! This episodes go nowhere(First it's about Bart wanting a tatto, then it's about getting Christmas money!!!!). The first episode is a chirismas episode!!!!! Why did they start the series with a Christmas episode!!! This is not worth a penny.
It's time FOX kills this show.

 

[Bandwagonesque]

IDIOTS WHO STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT A REVIEW IS:

***** \tSTAR WARS TRILOGY, January 3, 2007
By \tMarion Behrens - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
I'M SORRY, BUT I BOUGHT THIS AS A GIFT FOR MY SON FOR CHRISTMAS AND THEREFORE AM UNABLE TO GIVE YOU A REVIEW.

 

[Manny Calavera]

Originally Posted by Bandwagonesque

IDIOTS WHO STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT A REVIEW IS:

Oh my God...

 

[Kent Wang]

jonglover: I recommend for you, The 47 Ronin.

 

[Manny Calavera]

Originally Posted by Kent Wang

jonglover: I recommend for you, The 47 Ronin.

It's one of my favorite Mizos. I guess we're on speaking terms again.

 

[Kent Wang]

Originally Posted by JBZ

^^^Wait. So Apocalypse Now wasn't pretentious? If memory serves, there was also at least as much time between "action scenes" in AN as there was in The Godfather (and I challenge anyone to truly explain the ending of AN to me).
It is about madness and the demeaning of the value of life in war.

 

[Kent Wang]

Originally Posted by jonglover

It's one of my favorite Mizos. I guess we're on speaking terms again.

I knew you would like it if you like Kurosawa. I personally find it even more boring and pointless. In fact, it may be the most boring film I have ever seen. I could have watched three Hitchcock films in that time.

 

[Manny Calavera]

Originally Posted by Kent Wang

I knew you would like it if you like Kurosawa. I personally find it even more boring and pointless. In fact, it may be the most boring film I have ever seen. I could have watched three Hitchcock films in that time.

Wait...you tricked me.

 

[Bandwagonesque]

I found Lawrence of Arabia to be incredibly long, boring and dated. The camera work and scenery was great though.

 

[JBZ]

Originally Posted by Kent Wang

It is about madness and the demeaning of the value of life in war.

Yeah, this is the response I usually get (or something like it). I think it's akin to saying something like, "It's about how humanity is really screwed up" or "It's about how there's no point to war" or "It's about how there's no sanity in warfare."

The one I think that comes closest is "It's about how those who fight a 'structured war' with rules are no less sadistic and cruel as those who kill indiscriminantly." (the whole "what do you call assassins who accuse assassins", or whatever the quote was).

What it may really be about is how stoned Dennis Hopper can get and/or how fat Marlon Brando can get and still act on screen.

 

[Kent Wang]

Originally Posted by Bandwagonesque

I found Lawrence of Arabia to be incredibly long, boring and dated. The camera work and scenery was great though.
I thought the same. I also dislike the modern-day epics like Alexander.

 

[FLMountainMan]

Originally Posted by JBZ

Yeah, this is the response I usually get (or something like it). I think it's akin to saying something like, "It's about how humanity is really screwed up" or "It's about how there's no point to war" or "It's about how there's no sanity in warfare."

The one I think that comes closest is "It's about how those who fight a 'structured war' with rules are no less sadistic and cruel as those who kill indiscriminantly." (the whole "what do you call assassins who accuse assassins", or whatever the quote was).

What it may really be about is how stoned Dennis Hopper can get and/or how fat Marlon Brando can get and still act on screen.

Did you ever read about how the character of Kurtz originally was supposed to be some chiseled badass Tom Berenger (for lack of a better analogy) type but Marlon Brando refused to get in shape and refused to quit the movie? So they had to re-write the movie to portray Kurtz as more decadent and use cutaway shots to hide his weight. So damn lazy.

 

[JBZ]

Originally Posted by FLMountainMan

Did you ever read about how the character of Kurtz originally was supposed to be some chiseled badass Tom Berenger (for lack of a better analogy) type but Marlon Brando refused to get in shape and refused to quit the movie? So they had to re-write the movie to portray Kurtz as more decadent and use cutaway shots to hide his weight. So damn lazy.

I do remember something to the effect that Brando was embarrassed by his weight and insisted on being filmed in quick cutaways and dim lighting. His physical shape definitely played against the character, who was supposed to be a complete badass (having gone through some sort of training that was usually reserved for men half his age).

I saw "Hearts of Darkness" at one point, which was about the making of AN. It was critically lauded. However, I thought it sort of portrayed FFC as a whiny, self-centered jerk. I remember wanting to slap him like Johnny Fontaine and tell him to "be a man."

Sorry for taking this thread way off topic.