Can you increase "chemistry" or is it just there?

[longskate88]

So the gf and I have been going through tough times, and I don't feel particlarly attached or attracted to her. I think it's a simple lack of 'chemistry' if I can use that term. In practical terms, we're great for each other: similar outlooks and goals for life, morals and values, etc. but they physical attachment just isn't there.

Yep, she's overweight, but honestly I'm not sure her being thin would fix it. It's like that study where women picked men based on smelling shirts they had slept in overnight, it's a chemical thing...opposite immune sysyems or whatever.

So are we doomed, or can something be done?

 

[Milhouse]

Use a catalyst in your chemical reactions.

Or am I talking about a different type of chemistry?

 

[longskate88]

Originally Posted by Milhouse

Use a catalyst in your chemical reactions.

Or am I talking about a different type of chemistry?

Yes, I need catalysts. Catalysts that make me want to take off her pants. Alcohol is good, but has negative side effects, and you can't be constantly drunk...well,

 

[Milhouse]

Seriously, in the better times, did you feel attached or attracted to her?

Try to figure out if you are just angry or upset with her at the moment. . .or if there just truly is a lack of compatibility overall.

 

[longskate88]

Originally Posted by Milhouse

Seriously, in the better times, did you feel attached or attracted to her? Try to figure out if you are just angry or upset with her at the moment. . .or if there just truly is a lack of compatibility overall.
That's the thing, I never feel angry with her. We never fight. I used to fight with my ex, but then we'd have crazy good sex and I liked touching her, hugging her, etc. That's "chemistry" to me. With the current girl, I simply have no urge to treat her as anything more than a friend. I broke up with her a couple months ago for a few weeks, and I didn't feel a damn thing. The only reason I'm trying again is the hope that something will change and I'll magically start loving her. So where's my damn magic pill that will do that? If anything, I do feel a little less motivated with schoolwork without her, I get in a funk where I'm bummed I can't find another girl, and school suffers. Could be a bad sign though, I know many a golfer who's game has improved hugely since he'd rather be anywhere but home.

 

[Don Carlos]

Originally Posted by longskate88

That's the thing, I never feel angry with her. We never fight. I used to fight with my ex, but then we'd have crazy good sex and I liked touching her, hugging her, etc. That's "chemistry" to me. With the current girl, I simply have no urge to treat her as anything more than a friend. I broke up with her a couple months ago for a few weeks, and I didn't feel a damn thing. The only reason I'm trying again is the hope that something will change and I'll magically start loving her. So where's my damn magic pill that will do that? If anything, I do feel a little less motivated with schoolwork without her, I get in a funk where I'm bummed I can't find another girl, and school suffers. Could be a bad sign though, I know many a golfer who's game has improved hugely since he'd rather be anywhere but home.
Dude, I've been exactly where you are with your current girlfriend. And let me tell you, man: if the chemistry's not there now, it's never going to be. It's remarkable what a similar boat I was in to yours. I went from a mildly crazy rollercoaster ride of a relationship with my previous girlfriend (she was incredibly sexy, not the brightest bulb in the world, some sort of bipolar, and a ******* hellcat in the sack) to a tame, cordial, friendly, but sexually uninspired relationship with the sweetest human being I've ever met. Life sort of ***** with us that way. It's as if some higher power is laughing at us, saying "You can have crazy, amazing sex with a girl you can't stand out of bed, or you can have a good friend, but you can't have both. Sucks to be you!" Long story short: I'm currently with the tame, wonderful personality who just isn't doing it for me sexually. And I'm contemplating breaking up with her for just that reason. But part of me can't do it, just because this is the first girlfriend I've had where nearly everything works out flawlessly. We get along famously. We're near-soulmates in so many different categories. But she just doesn't inspire me in bed the way Crazygirl did. Or the way quite a few other girls have, to be 100% honest. Decisions, decisions. But I'm a gambling man, so I'll probably move on eventually in a perhaps doomed attempt to have my cake and eat it too.

 

[MetroStyles]

+1. I've had to break up with a really sweet girl because I flat out lost all interest in ********** with her. However, I noticed if the girl is very attractive, this is much less likely to happen. Add to that a great personality and I can't imagine it happening. So I don't think it is just some kind of esoteric chemistry concept - a lot of it is based on looks and personality (obviously).

 

[Night Owl]

Originally Posted by longskate88

So the gf and I have been going through tough times, and I don't feel particlarly attached or attracted to her. I think it's a simple lack of 'chemistry' if I can use that term. In practical terms, we're great for each other: similar outlooks and goals for life, morals and values, etc. but they physical attachment just isn't there.

Yep, she's overweight, but honestly I'm not sure her being thin would fix it. It's like that study where women picked men based on smelling shirts they had slept in overnight, it's a chemical thing...opposite immune sysyems or whatever.

So are we doomed, or can something be done?

**** man you have been bitching about your fat gf for over a year

is this her?

well no **** you dont find her physically attractive as youve said multiple times

move on because the kind of chemistry you need would be the illegal perception altering kind, dont get stuck in a rut because you feel pity

 

[Eason]

Even I feel pity.

 

[preethy]

Understand what chemistry is!

If you've never really felt strong chemistry with another person, it can be hard to get an idea of what it is. What most people call chemistry is a sense that the two of you are just meant to be together. You're both perfectly at ease with each other and have a strong physical attraction for each other. While it might have something to do with looks and pheromones, most of it is mental. It comes from you and your sweetie having the same beliefs, dreams, and maybe even habits and pet peeves.

Develop a rapport!

Before you can build up any chemistry, you need to have a good rapport first. If you've only seen each other for one or two dates, that rapport may not quite be there yet. To create it, look for a conversation topic you can really bond over. Just make sure it's something pleasant and low-stress, though. You may discover you both love discussing ways to end famine in Africa, but that subject doesn't help your partner associate you with pleasure and fun.

Use humor!

Laughter is not only fun, it also makes us feel at ease with another person. You don't have to be a professional comedian. Even an attempt at humor in your own style can work. Just keep it clean and neutral so you don't offend your date right off the bat.

Adrenaline is your friend!

Studies have shown that couples who met in an exciting situation"”whether pleasurable or not"”tend to find each other more attractive. More so than couples who met under normal circumstances. It works because the mind associates any excitement with the person we're with at the time and mistakes it for physical attraction. Make use of this by planning a date that will get the adrenaline pumping like a scary movie, a rollercoaster ride, or even whitewater rafting.

Express yourself!

You can't have chemistry in relationships with people who don't know the real you. Instead of keeping your opinions to yourself in hopes of hiding anything your partner might not like about you, make it a point to share your thoughts and feelings about important issues. Sometimes just a single off-hand comment can make your date fall for you hard.

 

[tagutcow]

^^^ I think that might be the most helpful spam post of all time!

 

[longskate88]

Yep, that's her. She's losing weight...slowly.

Like Arrogant Bastard said, I want to have my cake and eat it too, I just have to decide if I want to gamble on not finding anyone better

 

[RJman]

I think it would be more accurately called "alchemy" rather than "chemistry" -- because it usually is outside your power at the time to influence the reaction.

 

[munchausen]

Alcohol is a good catalyst. If that doesn't produce the desired reaction, cocaine is likely to do the trick.

 

[Mr. Caber]

She's kinda hot, man. I'd hang onto that.
If you want to renew the spark, try hanggliding together. Or something else new and exciting.