Worst year ever

[ken]

Ok, my mom just passed away after two and a half years fighting with cancer. My dad hasn't been w/o her since he was 17 and I know he's really feeling it even if he doesn't show it all the time. My sister just told us she's pregnant (she's not married) which isn't unheard of in our family but not common by any means. My dad definitely isn't worried about any of the social stigmas around that sort of thing, but he is worried about my sister--hoping she'll be all right, wondering about her future, that sort of thing. And, of course, he's thinking about how much easier it would all be if my mom was still around. On top of everything, he's got a $44,000 hospital bill from my mom's stay that he's been wrestling with for the past month.

I'll be moving back home with him this summer and I'll just commute to school. I was wondering if anybody had any ideas of what I could do to ease all this crap a little bit for him.

thanks
ken

 

[vero_group]

While you're worried about him and your sister, don't forget about you. You've gone through a lot too with the loss of your mother. Take time to recognize your own situation and honor that too.

In this case, as long as your sister is not a teenager or something, I'd focus on your dad. Your sister's situation is separate and of her own making. Does her male friend show much responsibility for their joint effort? He and your sister need to work this one out together. If the guy is a lame duck and is not taking responsibility and not helping her out, then definitely try to help her in some way, emotionally or financially.

Your dad's situation is not of his own making. He is now without his closest human companion. But, he also has had some time to mentally prepare for his situation. He may more OK than you may think. Just be a good son and be there for him as he asks for help.

As for the $44,000 bill, it is possible to negotiate it down, slowly but surely, vendor by vendor. If she was over 65, there may be some assistance available from the government. And, it can be paid out over time, even a decade or more. It sucks, but many people have done it.

And I guess that is my message -- many people have gone through these similar situations and survived mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically intact. It will simply take time and empathy to pull you and your loved ones through. I suppose my words may not help much, but that is best I can offer off the top of my head.

 

[banksmiranda]

Sorry - it's easy for me to miss anything outside the clothing chat, which is sad. Ken, you've probably always been there for your family. It can be quite a strain - I know the feeling. In return, we don't always feel that there is anyone who is always there for us. All I can suggest is, continue to support your family in whatever ways you while taking care of yourself as well. You must take time for yourself, even if it is just to sit back and think/reflect. Certain times of our lives seem bleak. Years later hopefully these times will be a distant memory.

 

[NavyStyles]

Ken,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to lose a parent; my dad passed away when I was 11. Vero and Miranda both made an important suggestion: don't forget yourself. Remember to do things you enjoy, so you can keep your own sanity.
As far as helping your dad with his grief, just be there. I know one of the things that gets me upset the most is seeing my mother cry. I also know that she really appreciates when my brother and I keep her company. I commend you on your compassion. God bless.