Things your dumb friends post on facebook

[munchausen]



Lately I've seen my Facebook friends posting cryptically about how they've been betrayed by their friends. It's like they live in pro wrestling world, where there have to be heel turns every once in a while to keep the stories interesting, sort of like that time in 1981 when Terry Gordy betrayed Michael Hayes and thereby broke up the Fabulous Freebirds. (Don't worry, they teamed up again in 1982.)

Do they talk about "haters"? Those are the best. *****, you work part-time at Rite Aid. You don't have haters. You just have people that don't like you, probably because you are a terrible person.

 

[tagutcow]

Edward Snowden is the Jesus of Libertarians?

 

[Blackhood]

If I were hiding out in a Hong Kong hotel, fearing that at any moment some kind of unofficial assassin employed by a government I'd just betrayed was out to kill me, I would literally cream myself over the idea of getting lots of facebook likes.

 

[lawyerdad]



If I were hiding out in a Hong Kong hotel, fearing that at any moment some kind of unofficial assassin employed by a government I'd just betrayed was out to kill me, I would literally cream myself over the idea of getting lots of facebook likes.

At least it's a flattering photo.

 

[wahwho11]

neeeeeeerrrrrrd

 

[munchausen]

Hey, did you get a load of the nerd?

 

[acidboy]



Lately I've seen my Facebook friends posting cryptically about how they've been betrayed by their friends. It's like they live in pro wrestling world, where there have to be heel turns every once in a while to keep the stories interesting, sort of like that time in 1981 when Terry Gordy betrayed Michael Hayes and thereby broke up the Fabulous Freebirds. (Don't worry, they teamed up again in 1982.)

but there are also times that they don't team up again, or if they do its just a shadow of their former team. like when shawn michaels superkicked marty jannetty through a window.

 

[tagutcow]

 

[donjuan17]

Creepers gonna creep.

 

[lawyerdad]

1. Otherwise intelligent female friends who eagerly and repeatedly repost stupid article, cartoons, and such recycling the meme of "If all of your relationships with men keep failing in the same way, it must because all men suffer from the same fundamental defects - it certainly isn't you, girl!"
2. Guys who eagerly and repeatedly "like" said posts and add self-flagellating comments agreeing that men are really, really terrible in order to prove that they are the sort of sensitive, communicative man women say they are desperately searching for.

I'm not sure which I find more pathetic and annoying. (I'm lying. I really do.)

 

[Piobaire]



1. Otherwise intelligent female friends who eagerly and repeatedly repost stupid article, cartoons, and such recycling the meme of "If all of your relationships with men keep failing in the same way, it must because all men suffer from the same fundamental defects - it certainly isn't you, girl!"
2. Guys who eagerly and repeatedly "like" said posts and add self-flagellating comments agreeing that men are really, really terrible in order to prove that they are the sort of sensitive, communicative man women say they are desperately searching for.

I'm not sure which I find more pathetic and annoying. (I'm lying. I really do.)

3. Said guys never realize that only friend zones them and they will never lay that hot girl complaining about guys that treat her like ****.

 

[lawyerdad]



3. Said guys never realize that only friend zones them and they will never lay that hot girl complaining about guys that treat her like ****.

Yep.

 

[ClarkKent]

YOLO and did I forget to mention?

YOLO!

 

[tagutcow]

I feel like Brandon whites personal *** dump right now — with Brandon White.

I don't even know why I'm singling this comment out, this chick has been a turboslut trainwreck for as long as she's been my facebook friend.

The punchline is: I have her phone number. She forced it on me last year when I passed by her flat iron kiosk at the mall.

 

[L'Incandescent]

Sounds like something Brandon White would post on his lady's account. Except for that he would probably be able to spell his own name right.