Open Bragging Thread

[HomerJ]

In college, I jumped from a second story balcony with a full beer in my hand. I only spilled half.

 

[Laffertron]

Took my wife to a strip club the other night for someone's birthday, we both ended up getting lap dances, and she had a great time.

 

[Brian SD]

I got a jantzen shirt less than a month after I ordered it.

 

[Fade to Black]

i just ate subway

 

[SoCal2NYC]

10"

 

[Fade to Black]

can't beat my foot long.

 

[Manny Calavera]

So, what are people going to talk about in every single other thread?

 

[EasyGoing]

Originally Posted by dusty

beat gta4

Welcome back to reality.

 

[contactme_11]

I once killed a bear with nothing but my hands.

 

[ryoneo]

Accidentally looked at Chuck Norris straight in the eyes and lived!

 

[lefty]

Sadly, I've bever been able to top this guy:

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.

I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

lefty

 

[Gus]

Oh yeah, well I taught myself how to play, "I saw her standing there" on the ukulele, and I know how to spell ukulele! So there, tough guys.

 

[RJman]

I am a cat whisperer.

 

[Augusto86]

Originally Posted by 76classic

Duplicated a restaurant menu and inserted my proposal in the dessert selections. The entire restaurant was taking our pictures by the fireplace and we had champagne on the house. Followed by a surprise limo ride and an engagement cake I set up at home reading "To the Future Mrs. Palmer...."

That's pretty brilliant. Although it could have been awkward if she had opened the menu, looked at the desserts and said, "I think I'll have the chocolate mousse..."

 

[bha]

I got a response to my email from Ricky at Jantzen. From his Blackberry. Less than 2 minutes after I emailed him.

He wanted to know if having my entire shirt order ready in 2 days would be too soon?